有时候，感觉脑袋空空的。试着想东西就是想不起来，感觉活的很累很累很累。就不怎么想说话很想一个人静静的坐在哪里对着天空，外面，还是天花板。还是对着一些东西在哪里发呆。听歌还好，可是听到一半就觉得心情很烦躁。又不知道自己想干嘛。就是想静静的做“阿呆”。

每次这样的时候都想最好就是睡了不要醒来。因为我真的觉得活的很累，人家问我怎么了可是我要怎样回答他们呢？因为我也不知道自己怎么了。就是不想跟任何人说话，就是不想笑。也不是第一次了。

真的有时候在自己的心里想 “ 好想去一个，很安静很舒服的地方喝一杯热热的苦巧克力” 因为在那个时候才是我真正的放松自己的时候。可是这种东西只有想的份。或者有时会想去一个有靠窗口的地方做下来，然后对着外面。真的很喜欢这种感觉。因为一个人，这样感觉心灵很平静。

人家问我怎么，说实话我是真的不知道要怎样回答他们。其实我自己为什么会这样我也不知道。可能是在自己的生活太复杂了吧。尤其是感情问题。也有可能一半是因为有些事情都埋在自己的心里不说出来才会这样吧。可是说出来了心里还是有那根刺在，不说也一样。那为什么还要说呢？感觉这样说出来会给别人添麻烦。

其实我觉得在这个时候的我是最危险的，因为我会去尝试一些自己不该去做的事情。比如说，拿刀片割自己，还是做一些东西是会伤害到自己的。感觉自己好像虐待狂呢。我怎么敢让我身边的人知道呢，我害怕他们把我送到神经病院呢。还有另一样就是我会有自杀的念头。这一点我承认我自己可能是神经病。以前压力太大的时候我也会这样。可是至少压力大的时候我还会说出来。只是在自己一个人的时候才会胡思乱想。可能是自己的情绪不稳定吧。每天带着微笑可是心里又是另一面。每个人说我命好，我确实承认我命好。因为我身边有很多爱我的人，关心我，疼我。虽然是这样可是就在开心完过后的一瞬间，我感觉心不再是我的。因为我不知到为什么就像现在这样的心情很低落。

偶尔还会想到以前的事情，那些事情让我到现在还是怕。怕有一天又会这样，如果真的会这样那我该怎么办？我尝试去忘了这下事情这个人。可是每当我看到他的时候我还是很怕，我好想恨他可是我恨不起。我为什么会恨不起他？？？这样的自己，让我好很我自己。感觉自己真没用。错的不是我可是为什么要我来承受这份痛苦呢？为什么他就可以那么快乐，连一点良心不安的感觉都没有呢？有人问过我是不是心里还有他，我是真的真的真的可以发誓我真的不爱他了心里也没有他。我只是很怕看到他。

我还真的怀疑自己是不是有忧郁症啊。。。真的感觉自己快要疯了。有谁可以告诉我怎么了吗？

现在我真的好想喝一杯热热苦苦的巧克力来暖和我的心。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

..........

Start from 8pm until 12am i just change some of my blog thing.Still in the process...

Waiting his text,but at the end i wait out nothing.

And feel so hungry at this time. Not really eat during dinner. I wonder what he doing right now. Started to miss him....

May be continue my blog tomorrow. Who know i dont have that mood to do it again?

Well,is time for me to stop now. 

Good night everyone :)

我。。。。开心吗？我自己也不知道。有时候，自己一个人的时候眼泪就不知不觉的从我的眼睛里流了下来。用手摸摸自己的脸颊，才知道我自己没有我想象中的坚强。在我再打这篇文章的时候，我的心是痛的，痛得让我喘不了气。眼泪也不争气的留下来。在这个时候却让我想到那个混蛋。一想到他我的心就痛，在哭。现在的我才知道，原来我的心已经伤得再也不能复原了。现在的这颗心还是一直在流血。原来我还是会为了以前的事情而怕。现在的我真的很需要安慰。很需要一个拥抱。

都說天秤是孤獨的，一點也沒錯。因為瓶口太小了，很少有人能真的走進秤子的心，大部分時間還是被自己封死的。他們總是用堅硬的外表掩飾自己的脆弱，外表看起來很光鮮艷麗，內心裏裝的都是眼淚。秤子本身就很糾結，想愛卻又怕受傷害，因為秤子經受不起，一摔就會粉身碎骨。

有时候我会想为什么我是天枰呢?我很希望我可以恨那个混蛋。可是不管怎样我就是恨不起来。我真的不知道要怎么办。。。。就算现在在街上遇见我都会怕的要哭，会躲起来。他说的对，我是一个很没有用的人。我不知道要怎样克服对他的恐惧。

我可以因为生氣的小事很快就會忘記，不記仇。 可以別人對自己的好會銘記於心，有恩必報。 我不善表達自己的情感，所以常常用沈默取代表達。我真的觉得我現在的生活很迷茫，找不到出口，但對未來堅定而充滿希望。

我多希望永远可以沉睡不醒，可能这就是属于逃避了吧。

中秋节

I think already pass a few month i just come and update my blog. So....i think no more people will look at my blog anymore? HAHA~ nevermind. I wrote it for myself.

Studying everyday.... i feel so stress and tired. 4 times exam and this time i fail. Wanna cry but what to do? Even i cry also useless and the marks wont come back. Currently with my love every night after my school. He feed me until like pig, but he like it cause is so nice to hug. But the longers we together the problem i found out is he always think that i will dump him.

I seriously dont want his pass bring back to now and think that i will do something hurt him.I seriously love him alot but maybe he think that is not enough for him. Where ever we go we will be together and we just like very sweet couple. Alot of sweetness thing was start with him. Be with him together is the most happy in my life. I dont care whether we can stay how long, what i mind is we should take our time from now on until the end.

I just want you know im serious with you and i really love you so much. I dont mind your pass so i also hope you dont mind what i have done before or anything i have done to make you worry before. I know im a careless girl and dont know how to take care myself. But i promiss, from now on i will take good care myself and protect myself not let u worry anymore. Just please,when we were argue just listens to what i say.

We have been together for 9months, still got 3 more months is our one year anniversary. I hope you still remember how we know each other and how we start. It is the best and romantic part when i knew you. ♥

开心的日子很短，所以我很珍惜我现在所拥有的。我爱你宝贝 ♥

I have been realise, is already few months that I didn't update or post any new thing at my blog. Well, maybe cause I'm too busy with my study and going out with someone special with my family all the day. Haha~ oh ya... By the way, this happened in 31/12/2012 until 1/1/2013. I knew him from my friend. Which she knew him from the wechat. I ever meet this special friend twice already. But never know his name and wanna get his phone number but at the last end up "okay bye bye. come tomorrow". Haha~why i will ask him come tomorrow and get his phone number? Because i ask him teach me about the phone internet and he don't want teach me! So meannnnnnnnnnnn! Well,the next day he really come again. But he so mean to me again! I ask him teach me and then he said " i don't want teach you :p " So sad :(

After that day i never saw him come to the place I use to work again.Until the day of 31/12/2012 ! My boss say celebrate for 1/1/2013 then me and my family follow them go to the Raddision Hotel. When i went up I'm not going to the room,that me and my mum go to the restaurant. We sit there and test the tea!!! Is taste so nice and i really like it! But too bad they close at 11 or 12pm.After we finish our tea and we went back to our room. I been walking all the room around and have nothing to do but play phone. Then my boss say hungry and ask me go buy Ayam Penyet also Mee goreang! And one more thing is tofu! Haha~ we love the fried tofu!!! I miss the fried tofu again :D Then i go buy with my another friend when we come back they say not enough, i want go buy again but they think is too late already. So after eat,I'm playing my phone and some of them gambling. After a while, i heard door bell and i forgot i went to open the door or my friend. And i saw him! Bring beer to the hotel! He sit own and ask me do I want to drink beer? And i say i want then he say i under age.Lol~ is sound funny they all think im still under 18year old. Then i tell my mum i want drink and she complain me. End up i just drink a little bit then other throw at there liao. And at that time all the girl sleeping at the bed watching movie, and i sleep at the corner he just infront of me see they gambling. Then i sleep at there i keep play his phone and kuji him! Haha~ and he scare. He use to bend mt finger and im pain, Then i kuci him agin,this time I'm too clever already put my hand inside the blanket. But who know,he try to find my hand and go inside the blanket and bend my finger! He is so mean!

I think that time is already 1/1/2013 3am in the early morning. I need to go back already cause i need to work at 10am. I look at him, he was like trying to ask me don't go stay at hotel overnight. I seem like they all go back at 5 or 6am. Then me with him like this start! After that day,he every day come to the place i work after he finish work. Sometime he will bought me something to eat in the nigh. And during his lunch time he will come see me and accompany me.He come every night sometime talk with my mum. At that two week,got one week he send me back home every night and bring us go eat something nice food. Then until the day i was at Stadium expo. He come every night even though he have to go factory. But he still come see me and buy me food, because he scare I'm hungry. And at there selling thing with me. Haha~ everyday every night and even sunday is whole day stay at there accompany me. After that day expo finish, we start going out everyday to anywhere and eat. 

Well,i think i have to stop here and continue next time for the story.If i just terus write all come out then it will be nothing for me to post in the next time when i log in my blog. Haha~ will be continue next time when I'm FREE! Hehe :D